This is the first of a new series we’ve got going on around these here parts called Crushes that Raised Us, and you’ll learn from the episode that “us” is millennials because well, that’s what I’m most familiar with as that is my existence. We’ll be journeying through time, starting with elementary school and winding down when we reach grown folk territory.
So let’s get to this week’s era. Again, we’re going back to the ‘90s when a lot of millennials were adventuring into new territory, both in regards to education and crushing – elementary school! So many firsts happen within the years that make up our K-5 existence (for some of you, maybe 6th – but um, that’s middle school for me so check back next week). This week we’ll explore Disney delusion, two sides of the crush coin via Nickelodeon, and name-drop the most prominent crushes ‘90s kids had. However, when it came time to spotlight a crush that raised us I had to think because after almost 150 episodes of this show – we’ve touched upon so many. Who is left?
I thought boy bands were going to be stashed away until middle school. Still, for ‘90s kids, the boy band interest started back in elementary and then bled into junior high, so while boy bands have been discussed here at length, let’s focus on how they raised us – as far as crushing is concerned.
First and foremost, boy bands taught us that we had to have a type. Were we into bad boys with tattoos, sweeties moms would adore, older men? Which, it’s insanely creepy to think that grown men were marketed towards girls who were young enough to be potty training. I mean, there were some young Backstreet Boy fanatics out there. I wasn’t one of them as I was 10 and very much believed that if I met Nick Carter, he’d fall in love with me. That’s because, as we’ll discuss more in this week’s episode…the delusion that Disney placed upon me when I was even younger about happily ever afters. However, the boy bands – at least those pulling the strings – also played heavily into fans’ delusions as well.
Photoshoots in teen magazines holding props like roses and teddy bears made it seem like the guys in those pinups were staring straight into your soul, and heart. Tiger Beat, you owe so many generations of teeny boppers apologies for selling us romantical lies with not only photos but those write-ups that had to be far from truthful. Speaking of romance, the music. You’re telling me that at 11 years old I was supposed to hear “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and assume Nick Carter was singing to anyone BUT me? Yeah, no. I’m sure every other fan thought the same thing about their favorite member of their chosen boy band because another thing the string pullers did at the start, was make it seem like these guys were available.
Kevin Richardson, the oldest and most refined member of Backstreet Boys, was full-on dating the woman he’d eventually marry when they were at their height, but it was pretty hush-hush because if you’re married – how will anyone be able to envision themselves with you? More importantly, will they continue to buy things if you’re not available? Of course, this rabid obsession with their love lives goes away after they break from the clutches of Lou Pearlman, but that’s another story for another day. A story you can watch on YouTube right here if you’re interested.
So as kids we were sitting there with fairy tale mentalities listening to very attractive guys sing love songs and we loved it. We relished in it. So much so that boy bands are one of the most notable aspects of pop culture when talking about millennials. They, and their music, are woven into the fabric of our existence forever, like it or not. So much so that boy bands are also one of the top purveyors of nostalgia today.
The Backstreet Boys were able to have a very lucrative residency in Las Vegas. I’ve gone a few times, it’s marvelous but I will always take a potty break during “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.” It’s not for me. A crazy thing to say given how loyal boy band fans are, and that’s also something they raised us to be. Back during the height of boy bands on MTV in the late ‘90s and early ‘00s, you had to have a favorite and you had to then defend them like your life depended on it. I call it the Boy Band War of ‘99. I enlisted and you can guess who I went to battle for. Looking back, it was insane.
There are so many crushes that helped millennials build their crush foundation back in elementary school but my, oh my, boy bands – we would not be the same without you. You taught us to base our type on sheer looks and teen magazine personality profiles, doubled down on the delusional standards Disney already laid down for us by adding those inescapable love songs, and you were one of our first lessons in loyalty. Boy bands, your members aren’t always the best people, but thank you for the lessons.
Crushgasm 