The Righteous Fictional Crush 

Not one, not two, but three fictional crushes are coming your way this week thanks to the band Monsoon. We dug into their crush triad and talked about their new album, ‘Ghost Party.’ Both the episode and their new music will be out later this week, so while you wait on those you can dive into what is truly a crush based solely on a character because I’ve never thought about this actor before this role other than, oh…he’s kind of funny. I’m talking about Danny McBride’s Jesse Gemstone in the HBO series, ‘The Righteous Gemstones.’

Respect for John Goodman and adoration of Adam DeVine led me and my guy to watch this show, and I’m so glad we did because it’s fucking hilarious. Plus, Judy Gemstone is a fine addition to a long line of notable middle child characters such Lisa Simpson, Stephanie Tanner, and Malcolm from ‘Malcolm in the Middle.’ However, this isn’t about Judy because nothing is ever about the middle child, right? This is about Jesse Gemstone, the oldest son, the hooker party having, devout Christian that makes me smile ear to ear whenever this show’s in season. 

I’m not sure what it is about Jesse that makes me giggle. I think in many ways it’s the way McBride delivers this character’s lines in a way that’s one part Southern charm, two parts Napoleon Dynamite. Bye, Felicia has never sounded so good! There is also a confidence in Jesse that you can’t help but fall for. It’s like, yeah, he’s not the most physically attractive human I’ve ever laid eyes on but the fact that he comes at you with all the confidence in the world, and then some? Okay, lemme pick up what you’re dropping. 

Jesse Gemstone is also admirable because at the end of the day, despite being a fuck up in some regards, he does just want to do right by his family. His family, meaning his wife and kids, because at this point in the series I can’t say for sure he wouldn’t sell out his siblings. Judy, definitely. She’s the middle child and no one ever has our backs, but his baby brother? I’m on the fence about whether or not he’d toss Kelvin aside to get to the top of the televangelist realm. 

Danny McBride is someone I would never fuck with, but when in character as Jesse Gemstone…that’s a different story. The power of the fictional character, right?