Sexual Awakening Crush: The Late Bloomer

Only those who had to shop in the husky section as kids know the horrors that come with being a fat kid on the playground. It’s not just the teasing and incessant feeling worthless, as we get older we tend to feel more and more unattractive because well, the world has made it so that anything otherwise couldn’t cross our minds. Today, the body-posi movement has led some young minds to embrace their various-sized bodies; however, not all are so lucky. This week we’re exploring a different type of sexual awakening crush with Bruce Nachsin, the host of ‘The Fittest Fat Kid You Know.’ His crush led him to a realization that perhaps his size wasn’t the ultimate barrier of love and affection. You’ll hear more about how this dawned on him this Wednesday, but first – the first guy to ever see me as pretty – and tell me. 

Okay, so this wasn’t the first guy to tell me but it was the first guy to do so that the feelings were mutual. Like Bruce, I was an older teen at the time and didn’t have any prior experience with a mutual crush. Elementary, middle, and high school had warranted nothing but daydreams but college was going to be like the movies, right? Well, I guess. It was the first time in my life I had a boyfriend. He sat next to me in the most bullshit class a university can trick you into taking for money; University 100. Basically, they pointed out where the library was and how to use campus resources. It was the Google results of “how do I do this at my college?” Again, a waste of money…not to mention time. 

However, I did get my first legit boyfriend out of it, so…win?

I’d spent the past few years obsessing over Seth Cohen and it was my dream to be with someone nerdy and cute. This boy was all that but was actually weird. Like he wore fucking sandals. Something I had to overlook. Nevertheless, here I was in college with a boyfriend. Was ‘Felicity’ the truth? 

Me and this guy went on little dates around campus because neither of us drove. At least I don’t think he could at the time, or he just didn’t have a car. I even met his parents and went to dinner with them in Kardashianland, Calabasas. I couldn’t spot them in a crowd today, but I remember enjoying the fuck out of a Martinelli’s apple juice. It was a pleasant time with a bus adventure and the most innocent of sleepovers that lasted a mere three months. 

While the relationship didn’t last long, it helped me feel some sort of normal – for the first time in my life. I’d watched everyone I grew up with fall into relationships, have these adultlike experiences, and there I was by the time we graduated with as much experience as an Amish teen before Rumspringa. So this, again, was the first time I felt not only normal but as worthy of someone’s attention because for almost 20 years I’d never felt like that as the biggest girl in the class photo, the least feminine as my friends and I got older. But that one boy, he helped open me up to the idea that perhaps I was okay just being me. I didn’t have to be like the smaller girls or the girls who spent an hour getting ready before there was a whole ass routine they did with makeup I’d never understand. I could just be me. 

Now, there was admittingly a long time that spanned between that short spurt of confidence and actively dating but hey – at least that one guy who sat by me in the worst class my college could provide helped plant the seed. It just took a long ass time to grow!