The Big High School Crush

Crushes during middle school are bumpy rides due to all the new hormones raging through your anatomy, but high school is a whole other story. The hormones have settled on an intense island and the idea of fucking is ALWAYS everpresent because you truly believe everyone but you is having it. Making your crushgasms that much more intense at this age, and there was absolutely no one I wanted a crushgasm from more than the male cheerleader who 100% didn’t know I existed. 

I crushed on a handful of guys during those four years (which you’ll hear more about Thursday), but none of those guys ever won my heart (and hormones) more than the male cheerleader. He was on the squad because his girlfriend was, and my teenage-self loathed her existence. I guess it was good for them though because according to some internet lurking, they’re still together. At least they were a few years ago when curiosity made me look him up. 

Anyways, when he wasn’t in that hideous white, green, and cheap gold ensemble he was rocking Hot Topic-lite looks that included oversized pants, band tees, and a black backpack with a dozen or so band names painted on in white-out. Oh the ‘00s, you were a TIME. I think anyone into the pop-punk/emo thing at the time crushed on someone with a look that was more or less like this. However, the thing that got my hormones racing the most was the fact that he looked like Link from ‘Legend of Zelda,’ Nick Carter parted blonde hair and everything.

Alas, he was one of the only crushes I had during high school that I never really talked to unless you count the horrid attempt once made at a street festival. Total cringe moment right there, but hey – some crushes are meant to be admired from afar. This is just what this one was and will forever be and that’s okay because looking back – as with all my crushes from then – we would not have been a match anyways. So it’s better that none of them ever returned the crush sentiments. 

So male cheerleader with perfectly parted boy band hair, thank you for all the hormonal thoughts and the insane butterflies every time you walked by in the morning and ignored me. Good, awkward, teenage times. 

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