I Am Marvel Crush 

If you would’ve told me that in 2014 I’d meet the love of my life, I would’ve been like…nah…Then low and behold, I went to see a movie about some comic book characters I’d never heard of and walked out in love with a tree. Oh, I also met a guy named Matt who I’d soon fall in love with and later realize that I’d spend the rest of my life with but it’s not about him right now. This is about my Marvel crush, Groot. 

Voiced by the man who knows how important family is, Groot’s very little vocabulary was brought to life by none other than Vin Diesel. Really though, anyone could’ve voiced this simple yet emotive tree and I still would’ve fallen head over leaf because while he’s basically just a walking thing of wood, Groot was one of the first Marvel characters to give me something more. He wasn’t too fucking extra about patriotism like Captain America, nor was he just a rich guy with a drink in hand flying around to classic rock like Iron Man. He was a fucking tree who owned every scene he was in with a laidback nuance. Thor, I love you but you could fucking never. 

I remember the scene in which – SPOILER – we all thought Groot had been taken out like his homies in the rainforest, and I wept. I cried legit tears over a…tree. Was there a tweet about it? I’m sure there was because it was emotional. Not as traumatic as the bees in ‘My Girl’ or Little Foot’s mom, but still. Perhaps because in both those cases, there was no comeback. Groot thankfully was fine and just had to go through the motions of growing up once more. Does this mean Groot is immortal? Will he eventually be one of those weird-ass Eternals? I hope not, because that movie was too long for no reason. 

Anyways, this week our guest from ‘The Game of Nerds’ – Shannon Parola – goes in about her Marvel crush who just happens to be a famous sidekick in the Marvel Universe so I thought that hey, lemme go with a sidekick too. So in case, you’re winding down and finally realizing, does Kendra really fuck with this branch? Not in the same sense as Shannon and her crush. My love of Groot is more based on admiration because there is no way in hell I’d ever sacrifice myself for anyone else. Sorry, much love to my family and friends but that’s a hell nah. So I admire anyone who’d be that selfless because I’m not that guy. 

Groot, a Marvel crush unlike the rest, always and forever one of the best.

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